


Proud

by tailsbeth



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Biphobia, Canon Compliant, Coming Out, F/M, Gen, Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Pride, Sexuality
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-15
Updated: 2018-02-15
Packaged: 2019-03-05 08:18:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,190
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13383858
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tailsbeth/pseuds/tailsbeth
Summary: Isak may finally be happy and very much in love with Even but he’s still got a lot to learn. Even guides him as best he can but everything isn’t all rainbows and smiles.[Isak and Even coming up against homophobia and biphobia in all its forms, as they prepare to go to their first Pride.]





	1. Prologue - 'You make my heart shake, bend and break'

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to my first SKAM series! 
> 
> I've had this idea for a while, it stemmed from Even's clip in 4x10. I think if Even had a season to himself, they definitely would have explored biphobia and also internalised bi + homophobia. I have a rough idea of how this will pan out, it will be mostly canon but will continue past season 4. The finale will be Isak + Even and the squads at Pride so you've got that to get you through, this isn't always going to be the happiest fic. 
> 
> *Edit - I just wanted to clarify after a couple of messages, why I've used the term biphobia in relation to Even. I'm using it as an umbrella term here as panphobia is actually the term used to describe a fear of everything and that isn't related to this fic at all. Hope that clears things up!
> 
> Also fun fact - every chapter's name is a Troye Sivan lyric, cause why the hell not. Enjoy!

‘So now you can sit there and think about what I’ve said.’

Isak sat solemnly on his bed. His mind tracing over Eskild’s words over and over until they were drilled into him. The seconds turning into hours in his head. His phone buzzed next to him.

_Hi. It was nice seeing you as well. I don’t know, but things might have moved along a little too quickly.. I know it’s my fault, but I need time, sorry._

He’d had a tiny slice of happiness, and yet again, Isak felt alone.

He was barely keeping his friendships together, he knew Jonas was going what he could to keep him a float with the boys. He had already scared off Even, this thing, he didn’t even know how to label it, just this wonderful thing, feeling had already ended before it had begun. Now he’d managed to piss off Eskild too, the one person, who despite his somewhat garish and unreliable surface, was there to hold him up when he needed it most. All he had for company were his thoughts.

When he thought of Pride, his heart shrank. While there was a sense he didn’t feel like he belonged as he described to Eskild, he also felt jealousy gnaw at him.

Even if somehow he got thing together with Even, even if he came out to his friends, his family, himself. Even if he could walk down the street, holding his hypothetical boyfriend’s hand. Would he ever really feel welcome at a Pride march?

He fumbled with the air freshener, turning it over and over in his hands. Eskild’s kindness had been too much. All Isak had to do was say thank you. He couldn’t even do that right. No wonder Even had rejected him. He was just some closeted kid.

Just the thought of Even made Isak’s skin tingle. He ran a finger over his lip before slouching into his pillow. He rolled onto his side, inhaling what was left of Even’s scent on his pillow again. For a moment, he could see happiness creak in and show its face, Even’s face. How come it never stayed? Isak opened his eyes and all he could take in was the empty space.

Even had probably been to a Pride march. He probably had a rainbow somewhere in his room. He probably talks about gay rights and protests if someone speaks wrongly, like when he pointed out Emma generalising.

Again, Isak felt that tinge of envy hit him. He crumpled up into a ball. Was it jealousy? Or was it just the isolation setting in? Isak wanted to belong, that’s all he ever wanted. Belong to a family, a relationship, a community, something, anything.

Isak could only hope that somewhere in a parallel universe he was happy. Just now, that was the only thought that could tide him over.


	2. Come over now and talk me down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A continuation of Even's clip in S4E10, Even sees Isak's anger fully for the first time and uses some maternal wisdom to help him deal with the incident.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter lengths are going to vary, some will be short scenes like this and others will be long and span over days. I'm just having fun experimenting with the style, so bare with me :)

Even could feel Isak’s heartbeat in his hand. It was banging away like an angry drum. Isak’s face was smiling but his heart was telling another story. Even wished he could take away his pain but he knew better than anyone that you couldn’t do that.

All he could do was give Isak love, more love than he had anger. So much that it would dissolve all the hate. He couldn’t help but stare at Isak as they walked to the park, his stolen glances anything but subtle. Isak was staring off into space, gripping on Even’s hand, as if it were his tether to earth.

‘Are you okay Isak?’ Even accidentally thought aloud. Isak blinked a little too much as he turned to Even.

‘Yeah, I’m fine. Everything’s chill. Everything’s chill.’ Isak replied frantically. Even looked at him, his head tilted to the side. All it took was that face Even pulled, the one that said ‘I know you, remember’. Isak exhaled sharply.

‘I don’t think anything has made me feel that angry before. You make me so happy and for someone to find that offensive, it just… I don’t know, I just lost it.’

Even just nodded, he knew Isak needed to let this out and process what had happened. He rubbed circles over Isak’s hand slowly, it was like a unified pulse.

‘I get that not everyone is accepting yet. We’ve had shit shouted at us just holding hands but for him to say it was disgusting, that got to me.’

Even had only ever felt the edges of Isak’s temper. One time they’d been walk to school and someone had shouted ‘fags’ at them. Isak was filled with anger but he never let it out. It was revealed in his breathing, his heartbeat, the wild stare in his eyes. Even was almost bewildered, not at the name calling but at Isak. The sweet soft boy he knew Isak to be, transformed in seconds. It was alarming but understandable.

‘I get it. It gets inside your head and grows.’ Even’s words had an uneasy familiarity, they were words he’d heard from his mother. Isak nodded, he’d never had someone describe what he felt so accurately.

‘The important thing is that you kill that thought. You kill it every time we hold hands. Every time we kiss. Every time we just live our lives. Every time we are happy.’ The words rolled off Even’s tongue, his mother’s kind face hovering in his mind.

Isak stopped and pulled Even over to the nearest wall. He placed his hands around his neck. Isak looked at Even and really studied his face. His lips were chapped as usual and pouting slightly. His eyes weaved around Isak, asking constant questions.

‘Can we kill it right now?’ Isak asked, a tiny smirk appearing on his face. Even’s eyebrows arched as he paused for a moment. Isak leaned in first, it was as if their lips were magnets. He was smiling, Even could feel it. These were Even’s favourite kisses, they weren’t perfect but they were filled with happiness. Isak’s fingers dug in Even’s neck, he was hanging on for dear life.

‘Woo! Yeah, go for it Isak.’

They were interrupted by the recognizable voice of Magnus. As they looked round to the left of them, they saw him and Jonas, who was elbowing Magnus in the side.

‘We were wondering where you got to.’ Jonas said with a little smile. Isak’s cheeks were covered with a rosy pink as he and Even moved away from the wall.

‘Sorry, we got a little side-tracked.’ Even answered casually as he slipped his hand back into Isak’s.

‘We’ll let you off since it’s Isak’s birthday.’ Magnus said suggestively as he rose his eyebrows up and down. Jonas just rolled his eyes before turning around and heading to the park. Magnus caught up to him within a few paces and Even and Isak followed behind them.

Isak looked down at his and Even’s hands, admiring the perfect way they fitted together. He couldn’t help but grin. Even caught Isak’s eyes and smiled back at him. No words were needed, the smile said enough. They were together, they were happy and there was no place for anger.

Not right now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies this took forever, my last month has been spent recovering from wisdom teeth surgery & doing a uni assignment so you can understand I've not had time for fanfic :')  
> 

**Author's Note:**

> Wanna chat? Find me at @tailsbeth-writes or (about SKAM specifically) @shame-in-norwegian on Tumblr.  
> I'm new to Ao3, I write for Riverdale, Teen Wolf, Shadowhunters & SKAM. <3


End file.
